Episode 29: Finding Your Person

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Hey, coupley Fit, fam, Welcome back to another episode by popular demand.

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The people have asked we are speaking on dating.

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So we've had a lot of people say you know what, coupley Fit, you guys have found your couple, but I haven't found my couple yet and I haven't found my person yet.

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So how do I do that and where do I start?

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I mean, it's perfect timing too, because we talk about date your spouse but, like you said, people are like I don't have my spouse yet, how do I find them?

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And I think one of the first things that we like to say is don't be afraid to get out there and meet somebody.

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Meet somebody, come on.

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What was that saying?

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Bring your potato salad.

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You better come in there ready to meet somebody.

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And I think that so often people are kind of afraid.

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We had those years of, you know, kind of like the pandemic or everybody's wearing masks.

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You're not talking to strangers right or walking up to people and connecting, and now we're like we're back.

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People are out in the wild, as they say, and there's so many opportunities to meet people.

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But I think that's what this episode is going to help somebody do.

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It's going to be that breakthrough for somebody to be able to meet their special, their cup cup leaf or their special someone.

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And we're going to talk about some places and things you can do to get ready for that.

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Yes, I think it's very important to talk about.

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I do feel that there is an epidemic of loneliness that's happening right now, and the younger generation I have a little bit more empathy for, because, again, some you have to remember how many high school kids did not have the opportunity to have their prom, were not able to be just in the hallways to be able to flirt, because your last year or a couple of years during high school were when you were, you know, kind of in your house.

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You're in your space, you don't have to really talk to anybody.

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So I think that, as we just continue to talk more about being able to find your partner to your point in the wild, that can be wherever you are.

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Don't be afraid to talk to people, like you said.

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But then, as we know, online dating has been taking off and we're seeing more and more people that are on dating apps but then that are also getting really frustrated on dating apps and saying you know, I'm done with them.

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I'm going to take a break, which that's all okay, especially if you feel like that is something that you need to do at that moment.

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Don't be afraid to take those breaks from dating apps, but I'm going to hit you with a quick stat dating apps.

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But I'm going to hit you with a quick stat In 2023,.

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Research found that one out of 10 partners met on a dating app.

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Oh, one out of 10.

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One out of 10.

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So that can seem a little low.

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That can seem like gosh.

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This is maybe why I'm not able to find my partner online.

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That's such a low number, but what do you have to say about that?

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Well, we're in the 90.

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I would say that we're in the 90, so you know us being in the wild.

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Yeah, we said we were in the wild.

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We were in the club in the club met on new year's eve in the club.

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But also, I think that there's this era where and I say this all the time we grew up in a generation where you do dance, you do uh, you know tap someone on the shoulder and be like, hey, can you want to dance?

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Or hey, do you want to drink, like it was, like that was normal.

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And I feel like it's gotten to an era where, like you know, people post videos where they're at the club or like out and it's completely like separate, like ladies are on one side, guys are on the other side of the party Like eighth grade dance.

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Right like eighth grade dance her name, or to talk or to engage.

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So I feel like I'm we were in the 90% that met up in the wild, and so I'm more.

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So I think we're going to have we're going to have definitely have tips for online dating and meeting up in the wild.

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Where do you want to start?

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Well, I was actually going to ask you how do you approach somebody?

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That's a great one.

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I mean, typically we're we, especially females right, we're looking for a male to approach us.

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But now in society those roles are reversing a little bit and we have some women that are like hey, you know, I'm going to go after what I want, and I've seen that happen and I've seen it be successful.

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So I just want to know what your tips either are for men or what they can say to somebody.

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When they do approach them, let's say at the bar, or it's intimidating too and you want to approach somebody and they're with a group, it's like, oh my gosh, is everyone listening to this conversation?

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Are they going to clown me afterwards?

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What's you know?

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There's a lot of anxiety that can come with meeting somebody in the wild, but then also, what do I say?

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And so that's a great, that's a great point.

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I feel like I'm going to start somewhere before that, because you need to first be prepared.

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So preparation meets opportunity.

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So if I was going out, I remember the night we met I definitely had a haircut, I had a nice shirt on, jeans were fresh, so I felt confident.

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Yes, so that, whether I came up to you by yourself Look good, feel good.

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Look good, feel good, feel good, play good, play good, pay good or, in this situation, mate good or date, good right.

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So in that scenario, I would say, being confident, whether they're by themselves or in a group, that confidence is going to be the first thing, right?

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Agreed.

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Is be confident.

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Not cocky.

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Not cocky, and I would really say the first tip that I have is have the heart to go up yourself.

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Don't send somebody up, don't send somebody up.

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Don't send somebody, come on, come on.

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It's lame.

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It's a turn off.

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When you send somebody like hey, tap, tap, tap.

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My friend over there said he wants to talk to you.

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How old are we?

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Tell your friend to come over here and introduce himself.

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So that would be the first thing is you need to actually go and introduce yourself.

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First things first.

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And I'm really thinking back to when, the night that we met, and my approach, when it came to like coming up to you because I genuinely I felt like, man, this is, you know, the most beautiful woman in the bar.

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Right now.

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I'm getting ready to shoot.

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Oh yeah, absolutely, I'm getting ready to shoot my shot.

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I got to go in and I got to be prepared and what I remember was, first off and this is actually like another pre-tip it's not always what you say.

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Sometimes it's putting yourself in a position to be blessed.

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What does that mean?

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I got to try to get in your eyesight.

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So if you're looking over there, I need to make my way.

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I got to walk and take a lap around the bar and see if we can catch eyes.

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Sight line is what you're saying.

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I'm in your sight line.

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Do you look?

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Do you look away immediately or do you kind of give me a little pause and a batting of the eyes?

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can I add to that quickly?

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So there has been research done on flirting, especially in a public space.

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It takes seven times, where you are either looking at the person to your point, batting a little bit of the eyes, giving a a look up and down, let me know that you're interested.

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Because now I'm thinking to myself okay, I know you're interested, that gives me more confidence to come up to you rather than you're sitting with you know, I'm just thinking from a woman's standpoint.

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I'm sitting with my girls and you come over and you're not coming over confidently.

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You're coming over and you're, you know, maybe just talking straight to me, like there is a way to navigate.

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But it takes seven times for you to be able to look at somebody, give them the wink, the blink, whatever that looks like, to let them know that you're interested, correct, and for those that maybe do not read social cues very well, that looks like someone may be smiling back at you, batting of the eyes.

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Like you said, a good look up and down.

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Come on now you know what it looks like when somebody look you up and down, like, oh, hey, now that's a cue of like, oh, she just gave me the.

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Maybe I'm feeling you or maybe this is worth me coming over and speaking to you.

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So, like these are all things pre conversation or pre introducing myself, that I it's almost like getting pre-qualified for a loan.

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Like I'm just saying, like you're pre-qualified, you're getting pre-qualified right now, before you even go up and speak.

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Then the other thing and practice right Practice.

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Practice in the mirror.

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It's giving.

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It's giving the wood it's giving the wood.

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Come on, and I'm glad you said the wood, because that was going to be my next tip yes, make going to be my next tip.

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Yes, make sure your breath isn't stinking, please come over smelling good because if you come, you talk about a deal breaker.

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Yeah you come over and it's oh, oh, my gosh, did you just have onions?

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well, in both ways too.

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Yeah, come on.

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Now was that a jalapeno margarita you just had because it is hot, so you want to have some mints, maybe in your pocket some Tic Tacs, right?

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Not the orange ones, not the orange ones, not the orange, because those will go sour on you, those will but fresh breath, going over and then back to your initial question of what is it, what's the conversation or what do you say?

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Like I remember when I met you initially, it's just coming in and introducing yourself.

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Hi, what's your name?

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Hi or coming in.

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Hi, how are you doing tonight?

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Yes.

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Oh, I'm doing good.

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I'm Kurt.

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It's great to meet you.

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Okay, boom and know that every person isn't going to give you the oh hi, I'm Deanna, it's great to meet you.

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She might say I got a man and that's okay.

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But I will say chances make champions.

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Amen.

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I knew when I pulled up on Deanna there was a chance that she said no but there's a chance that she said no, but there was a chance that she said yeah.

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And look where we are now Amen, right, and focusing on the chance that this could turn into something, rather than focusing on the rejection, because nobody wants to feel rejected ever.

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So you know, and that can even stem from, you know, childhood traumas and things like that of being rejected.

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So know that, try to come into it with a positive mindset as much as you can.

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Yes, you're going to have people that are going to have their wall up and that are going to turn you down, but I feel like what we talked about before, where it's the seven looks.

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Somebody's looking at you know you're in their sight line, you're batting your eyes, you are, you know, giving a nice smile, cause if you let me know you're interested, that's already a way in.

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So now I don't feel as if I'm going to be as rejected potentially, but then it does become OK.

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Now, how do you approach me and how do you talk to me first on the introduction side?

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So I like what you said there of just hi, my name is.

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Kurt, hi, how's your night?

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Hi, how's your night?

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How's your night going?

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Is this your first time at this club or this bar, this place?

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Yes, are you from here?

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Are you from here?

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You can hit her with the.

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Hey, can I buy you a drink, but be careful.

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It can be a slippery slope because you go in there offering to buy drinks and all of a sudden you bought a round of shots for a whole girl Actually, my girls, we'd like a shot of Don Julio Come on.

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You done bought 12 cherry mojitos, okay, and all of a sudden you're broke and she didn't give you her number.

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That's right.

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You're looking like that's right.

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This is a bad investment, that's right.

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That's why you introduce yourself when you start there.

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You do.

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How's your night going?

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You do and see how it goes, discouraged, if you do get rejected and this is for guys Easier- said than done it's easier said than done.

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But can I be honest, sometimes you have to have the mental pep talk to yourself.

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So for me what that looks like is if you would have been like you know what, I'm not interested, I'd have been like you know what?

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She must have a man.

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It ain't me, she must already have somebody.

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I'm just going to be.

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She must already have somebody.

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It's not that she's just not interested.

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What you're saying is it's not me, it's not me, it's you, it's not me, it's you.

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That can work to a certain degree.

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I do feel like that works to a certain degree.

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But there's more people that are struggling with their confidence than there are people that are like on the end of you need to humble yourself and realize that it's you that's right, right.

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Because you might have needed the mint.

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Okay.

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That might have been what happened, right, so, but no, that's the initial is like okay, no worries, she might have a man, it's all good.

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Right, but don't let that discourage you.

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And this is going to sound kind of crazy, but my recommendation for the fellas, too, is like give yourself like 10 chances, okay, like and I'm not saying 10 chances in one night.

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You don't want to be like trying to holler at every girl in the bar but like it's giving thirsty, not giving thirsty.

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But I'm saying like, give yourself.

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Like if you have two people say no.

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Or like over the summer you were out a couple times.

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You really saw somebody that you were interested in and they, like weren't interested.

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Let that be one out of your 10.

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But like, I'm going to.

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If I see someone else, I'm going to give it a chance.

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Or I'm going to maybe you know swipe, maybe right, right or left, or if you're on one of the dating apps, but stay in the game, because a lot of people want to experience one person roll their eyes and say and all of a sudden, you think there's nobody for me and that's not true.

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Question for you Do you think that if a woman approaches you, is that a turnoff, or is that something you look at as being?

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She knows what she wants?

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how old are we?

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Because I think that matters.

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I would say probably what early 20s to shoot, really the older you get, the more I know what I want, and that's where I was getting at.

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But even early 20s.

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I mean, I'm listen.

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The ladies I'm talking to are bold, correct, correct I feel like we're in a different era too.

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Correct I am a firm believer of and that's why I also said age, because there comes a time where it's like we don't have time to mess around.

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Right.

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Like.

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I know what I'm looking for.

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I think you're attractive, which I think starts in you're more confident and you're like hey, and what that can look like.

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It doesn't have to be thirsty where you walk up to a guy and ask for his number, but it can be.

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You're now giving the cues, you're getting in his sight line batting of the eyes, hey, right, you do a little wave, right, or?

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What's also great, and something that I should have said earlier, the classic compliment.

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It goes so far.

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What's the classic.

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Compliment goes.

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What's the classic compliment.

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I really love your dress yes, you know those earrings really bring out your eyes.

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Come on, but don't be fake.

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Let it be something you really like, natural, because if she wears those earrings for the rest of your relationship and you don't like them, know why you said you love the earrings and she's like boom I'm wearing them because you love them.

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Yes, be honest, be honest, be Okay.

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So this is going to go into now.

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We were talking about that was more so in the wild and how you can meet somebody there, but now let's think about where we are in this day and age where it's about being on dating apps.

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So let's start with your dating profile.

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And what I was going to say too.

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I love that you said that with a dating profile, because this applies to your dating profile or your social media.

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Correct, because even if you meet somebody in the wild like we met in the wild, but I remember we didn't see each other after the first time, we met for five months, but we saw each other on social media, so I use it as an example of your dating profile or your social media you can meet somebody and then get on their socials and be like Ooh, like that doesn't really the things that they're posting or what they're talking about.

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It's a little bit weird or maybe they're a little sketchy.

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So I just say that, to say that what you're posting and how you present yourself is really a difference maker, because this is how people are going to perceive you and there's, there's all, and I don't want to say perception is reality and you don't want there to be a massive disconnect of.

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I met her out at church.

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She looks super nice, like great morals, all the things.

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And you get on IG and you see the OnlyFans link and you're like who is that?

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I was going to take her home.

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I was going to take her home to mom's and now it's like who is this?

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Now I'm second guessing.

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Now I'm second guessing.

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Who did I meet out and about because of social media is telling me a different story.

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Not a church, though.

00:14:45.546 --> 00:14:48.849
I'm just saying, you know, come on, lord loves everybody.

00:14:49.028 --> 00:14:50.590
Okay, everyone's got to get saved.

00:14:50.590 --> 00:14:51.049
What'd they say?

00:14:51.049 --> 00:14:52.270
Every, every saint was a sinner.

00:14:52.652 --> 00:14:55.413
Oh, everyone has a past.

00:14:55.413 --> 00:14:57.775
And for us we say it was our BC days before.

00:14:57.816 --> 00:14:58.897
Christ before Christ days.

00:15:07.399 --> 00:15:08.344
This is why we were in the club, y'all we were.

00:15:08.344 --> 00:15:08.705
So dating profile.

00:15:08.705 --> 00:15:10.552
So let's first start with photos, right, that is the first thing you see, especially for men.

00:15:10.552 --> 00:15:14.345
It's about the vanity piece, which I think is also a little bit too high.

00:15:14.345 --> 00:15:18.322
I think that we can bring down the vanity and that being the first thing that you see.

00:15:18.322 --> 00:15:23.302
I do realize that that goes into evolution and you know we can take that all the way back.

00:15:23.302 --> 00:15:38.721
But when we're talking about photos and just we quickly also want to preface, although we are married and been married for eight years, we have helped multiple people, multiple age rages, create dating profiles and fall in love and fall in love.

00:15:38.941 --> 00:15:46.995
I mean out the amount of feedback that people were getting after we would change their profile and we honestly some sometimes you were Honestly, sometimes you were doing it together.

00:15:46.995 --> 00:15:50.070
Sometimes you were doing it for the male standpoint, me for the female standpoint.

00:15:50.070 --> 00:15:53.475
But I realized that when we did it together that I was telling you.

00:15:53.475 --> 00:15:56.120
I was like I don't know if that's the right photo, you know?

00:15:56.120 --> 00:16:00.772
Hey, maybe let's put something else in the bio where we can show a little bit more of the sense of humor.

00:16:01.539 --> 00:16:03.182
We took a few people from zero to hero.

00:16:03.241 --> 00:16:04.582
We sure did Amen to that.

00:16:04.582 --> 00:16:08.206
So then, when we talk about photos, it needs to be a mix of photos.

00:16:08.706 --> 00:16:12.051
Well, first off, the photos can't be outdated, don't be?

00:16:12.091 --> 00:16:13.072
hitting me with your high school.

00:16:13.091 --> 00:16:17.076
Let me finish now I'm just saying don't hit me with your high school graduation photo and you're 40.

00:16:17.155 --> 00:16:17.917
Do not do it.

00:16:17.917 --> 00:16:23.506
Hair's gray and you got the brown hair on the photo and I'm mad at you because of the catfish.

00:16:23.506 --> 00:16:23.706
I'm upset.

00:16:23.706 --> 00:16:25.652
So it's a mix of photos, right?

00:16:25.652 --> 00:16:29.211
Show me also your personality throughout the photos.

00:16:29.211 --> 00:16:34.312
No group photos, because I don't know which one you are.

00:16:34.312 --> 00:16:38.030
But then I'm also potentially looking at somebody else in the group saying, hey, who's that?

00:16:38.580 --> 00:16:43.474
When I'm supposed to be, when I'm on your dating profile You're saying somebody's handsome friend, then swooped in on them.

00:16:44.624 --> 00:16:49.250
Hello oh man they done swiped right in and said who's your friend, who's your friend?

00:16:49.269 --> 00:16:49.871
Who's your friend?

00:16:49.871 --> 00:16:50.883
Who's your man's in the blue shirt?

00:16:50.883 --> 00:16:52.326
Who, who.

00:16:52.326 --> 00:16:53.331
That's treacherous.

00:16:56.263 --> 00:16:58.505
Who's the girl on the side?

00:16:58.505 --> 00:16:59.388
Like who's that?

00:16:59.388 --> 00:17:00.870
Oh man, come on now.

00:17:00.909 --> 00:17:02.412
So Don't have your kids in there either.

00:17:02.412 --> 00:17:04.054
Pets are okay.

00:17:04.074 --> 00:17:05.096
Wait, no kids.

00:17:05.923 --> 00:17:07.113
I wouldn't, so here's the thing.

00:17:07.193 --> 00:17:07.878
Well, that's age.

00:17:08.119 --> 00:17:09.284
I feel like that's an age.

00:17:09.284 --> 00:17:12.624
So to me I feel like you gotta be a little bit mindful.

00:17:12.884 --> 00:17:14.008
Maybe one Just of like safety.

00:17:14.368 --> 00:17:15.009
One Maybe one.

00:17:15.009 --> 00:17:16.894
Okay, maybe one, maybe one.

00:17:17.000 --> 00:17:18.270
But I think I would rather see.

00:17:18.961 --> 00:17:21.208
I'd rather see you with your dog or your cat.

00:17:21.269 --> 00:17:21.548
Yes.

00:17:21.548 --> 00:17:31.909
Than like okay, to your point.

00:17:31.909 --> 00:17:36.336
Clear and up-to-date photos yeah, for sure.

00:17:36.416 --> 00:17:39.470
We can't emphasize that enough clear and they don't have to be professional.

00:17:39.470 --> 00:17:44.179
They don't have to be professional, but I mean the iphone, samsung's I mean wipe the lens off wipe the lens.

00:17:44.179 --> 00:17:46.930
Don't have a thumbprint on yourself, get yourself a nice photo.

00:17:47.029 --> 00:18:00.477
Right, get into some natural lighting, something you know, preferably with not maybe too much in the background, or, you know, more of the focus is on you so that I can see what you look like, because that's what people are looking for.

00:18:00.477 --> 00:18:06.585
But then also right the posing we have certain poses, especially for ladies, right, if we're posing?

00:18:06.585 --> 00:18:09.836
a little more flattering well, flattering.

00:18:09.875 --> 00:18:14.271
But then also there's certain things where you might just be laying down let's say, you're in a bikini.

00:18:14.271 --> 00:18:16.901
Laying down, yeah, like it's, what do you mean?

00:18:16.901 --> 00:18:17.383
It's summer.

00:18:17.442 --> 00:18:22.538
Like it's summer, you're talking about putting your best foot forward on this profile I know best foot forward.

00:18:22.805 --> 00:18:24.410
I'm saying that is a potential.

00:18:24.410 --> 00:18:25.471
It's potential.

00:18:25.471 --> 00:18:27.705
Would you not say that men want to see what the body looks like?

00:18:27.826 --> 00:18:28.306
that's what I was.

00:18:28.306 --> 00:18:28.967
I was going there.

00:18:28.967 --> 00:18:31.368
Next you hit me with all of the uh above the shoulders.

00:18:31.368 --> 00:18:34.071
Yeah, got me wondering does she have legs?

00:18:34.071 --> 00:18:35.394
Are you in a wheelchair?

00:18:35.394 --> 00:18:36.035
What's going on?

00:18:36.035 --> 00:18:38.257
I'm just saying that's how some of these profiles look.

00:18:38.257 --> 00:18:40.318
We're like hey, can you do a full body photo?

00:18:40.558 --> 00:18:41.299
Definitely a full body.

00:18:41.480 --> 00:18:42.701
Gotta have a full body photo.

00:18:42.701 --> 00:18:46.636
Has to be a full body, Even if it's not a bikini shot just full body.

00:18:46.676 --> 00:18:48.698
Yes, but, more.

00:18:48.698 --> 00:18:54.180
So I was just certain, if it's you know, you're a little more open to the camera that might show something you might be.

00:18:54.200 --> 00:18:57.441
Might be, you know, a little bit different, maybe think you have the only fans profile.

00:18:57.461 --> 00:19:01.923
You know what I'm saying so we're gonna exactly now with the photos.

00:19:01.923 --> 00:19:05.472
Let's also make sure that you're showing your personality through your photos.

00:19:05.472 --> 00:19:14.070
So if you are somebody that's high, you know high energy, maybe doing something like where you're I don't even know where you're working out, working out, no, but I was going to say, like people that work out.

00:19:14.070 --> 00:19:14.751
Working out.

00:19:14.751 --> 00:19:15.932
Do you like to hike?

00:19:15.952 --> 00:19:16.094
Do you?

00:19:16.134 --> 00:19:17.414
like hanging out with your dog?

00:19:17.414 --> 00:19:19.096
Do you like to you know kayak?

00:19:19.096 --> 00:19:20.719
What do you like to do?

00:19:20.719 --> 00:19:34.428
Show your hobbies and interests and then also show us your personality, right when you can do something, where you have like funny glasses on or you know, just something where you're showing the human side.

00:19:34.468 --> 00:19:39.439
Your dog is dressed up, you're maybe in, you know your dog's dressed up, or just something, to your point, shows that personality.

00:19:39.924 --> 00:19:47.308
And again, the tips that we're giving is, if you are looking for a relationship because sometimes you know dating apps you're not looking for a relationship, okay.

00:19:47.308 --> 00:19:48.805
I'm looking for something else, oh yeah.

00:19:48.805 --> 00:19:51.429
But also I feel that no judge free zone, it's a judge free zone.

00:19:51.449 --> 00:19:59.161
but I appreciate you saying that too, because I think that goes back to especially with it, with whether it's online or in person, setting the expectation Right.

00:19:59.161 --> 00:20:08.986
So if your profile is, you know, kind of like a not what, is it Not looking for love, looking for something casual, like you're being very clear, it's casual.

00:20:08.986 --> 00:20:12.972
Or like hey, just got out of a long-term relationship for something casual.

00:20:12.972 --> 00:20:23.071
Or I'm dating and, you know, grab drinks or reach out to me if you want something Like that sends a message, but don't put that in your looking for like a long-term relationship.

00:20:23.071 --> 00:20:26.719
But you're putting I'm looking for something casual because you don't know what you want.

00:20:26.719 --> 00:20:28.710
And that happens a lot.

00:20:28.710 --> 00:20:31.305
Like how often is it like you don't know what you want?

00:20:31.585 --> 00:20:39.126
And another thing I had somebody to ask which is fine, to not know what you want um, but don't be shocked that people are hitting you for casual yes and you're like how?

00:20:39.146 --> 00:20:41.392
why am I not finding love on tinder?

00:20:41.392 --> 00:20:41.893
Why?

00:20:41.992 --> 00:20:42.555
what's happening.

00:20:43.115 --> 00:20:46.491
You know it's like yeah it's because that's what you're putting out there.

00:20:46.491 --> 00:20:48.497
And also, don't no weapons in your photos.

00:20:48.497 --> 00:20:53.494
Even if you're into hunting or you're like a collector, no weapons in the picks.

00:20:53.494 --> 00:20:56.548
I had somebody ask me like what do you think of my profile?

00:20:56.548 --> 00:20:59.886
I'm like dude, there's a like it's you with like an ak and like a second photo.

00:20:59.886 --> 00:21:01.471
I was like stay away.

00:21:01.471 --> 00:21:02.834
That's what it would tell me?

00:21:02.854 --> 00:21:04.136
yeah, I've been looking at that.

00:21:04.136 --> 00:21:08.402
If that's not an interest of mine, then I'm thinking, I'm a little nervous.

00:21:08.442 --> 00:21:22.972
Yeah, that's not the one we need to make sure we meet in a public place come on okay, um, so then right, concise bio, yes, highlighting some of your interests and hobbies in your bio, which should coincide in some way with your photos that we're talking about.

00:21:22.972 --> 00:21:27.671
Correct, right, let's make it a cohesive profile showcasing your personality.

00:21:27.671 --> 00:21:32.065
And then what you said is what are you looking for in terms of dating?

00:21:32.065 --> 00:21:37.834
Have that in your profile, because there's a lot of you're letting me know what it is upfront.

00:21:37.834 --> 00:21:43.172
So then, if I choose to either DM you or answer your DM, I know what it is.

00:21:43.172 --> 00:21:44.356
I'm not confused.

00:21:44.356 --> 00:21:53.268
I know what the expectation is If it turns into something more great, but if it is what it is right now, that's fine too, because I know where you stand.

00:21:53.528 --> 00:22:00.190
Correct, and one of the basics I wanted to say too, on the photos is like make sure some of the photos you're putting your best foot forward, so you should be smiling.

00:22:00.190 --> 00:22:08.086
This should be the photo that is on Facebook that has the most likes or loves or comments, Cause that lets you know that people have responded to it and they're receptive.

00:22:08.086 --> 00:22:18.784
That could be a photo that you, that you move forward with, but don't have yourself grimacing or like looking positive because people are like, literally who wants to go on a date or reach out to someone?

00:22:18.804 --> 00:22:20.670
that's like they look like they're not happy to be here.

00:22:20.670 --> 00:22:24.625
If you're not excited, you're not invited period, that's true.

00:22:24.644 --> 00:22:25.509
So you need to be excited.

00:22:25.509 --> 00:22:30.528
So put that photo and I just wanted to say too like, because someone out there might be like well, what is my bio like?

00:22:30.528 --> 00:22:31.328
What does it look like?

00:22:31.328 --> 00:22:31.529
Like?

00:22:31.529 --> 00:22:36.218
Give fit, give me an example, and it's a nice photo of yourself smiling.

00:22:36.218 --> 00:22:41.078
It's maybe a photo of you and your dog, maybe you out on a trail doing a hike, right, like.

00:22:41.078 --> 00:22:47.277
Those are great, whatever your hobbies, and it doesn't need to be 50 photos, it could be like, again, a full body, just give me quality.

00:22:47.477 --> 00:22:51.338
Quality and it doesn't have to be a perfect image, but like a good photo.

00:22:51.338 --> 00:22:57.382
And then the bio could be like hey, I oh, don't like hide away from your age and you don't have to put your exact age.

00:22:57.382 --> 00:23:05.416
I think the apps maybe require that but like hey, you know active, you know former athlete, enjoys a fun time.

00:23:05.416 --> 00:23:14.737
But also good people, genuine connection, um, you know, looking to, you know hang out with, or looking to find my best friend or a new group, just move to the town.

00:23:14.737 --> 00:23:18.803
I think those types of things can help you Like this is why I'm here.

00:23:18.803 --> 00:23:20.527
This is a little bit more about me.

00:23:20.527 --> 00:23:25.007
I'm looking forward to like connect with you, but these are the things that we talked about in person.

00:23:25.007 --> 00:23:29.788
Or like, whether it's on a first date or when you meet somebody out, you kind of want to have those icebreakers.

00:23:29.788 --> 00:23:33.738
You're almost like putting that front facing in your bio.

00:23:34.279 --> 00:23:37.105
Yes, and I love everything that you said.

00:23:37.105 --> 00:23:39.111
That is right on point.

00:23:39.111 --> 00:23:52.690
I do think that when you're talking about age, people can, you know, shy away from that and say like I'm going to take five years off or whatever that looks like, but then again I feel like when I meet you in person and you might tell me your age, I already feel like you lied to me once.

00:23:52.930 --> 00:23:54.234
That's true, and it's giving red flag.

00:23:54.234 --> 00:24:00.086
So I need to, you know.

00:24:00.086 --> 00:24:08.717
Just make sure that whatever you're putting on your profile is what you, what and who you're going to be when you show up to the date, Because it can just show up as your authentic self.

00:24:09.006 --> 00:24:10.792
And I love that you mentioned the green and the red flags.

00:24:10.792 --> 00:24:12.449
I feel like that's a whole episode 're gonna.

00:24:12.469 --> 00:24:15.556
We're gonna get into that, don't you worry I feel like that's a whole episode.

00:24:15.576 --> 00:24:16.377
That is all episode.

00:24:16.397 --> 00:24:17.288
We should absolutely do that.

00:24:17.288 --> 00:24:19.380
Okay, so now we have our dating profile.

00:24:19.380 --> 00:24:20.886
Is there anything else that you want to add to that?

00:24:21.750 --> 00:24:22.333
that's pretty good.

00:24:22.333 --> 00:24:22.855
I think that's pretty.

00:24:22.855 --> 00:24:23.778
I think that's pretty thorough.

00:24:23.778 --> 00:24:25.767
We just, we just put somebody in the game right now amen.

00:24:26.106 --> 00:24:31.815
I was gonna say don't be afraid to use ai in the sense of that's true.

00:24:32.075 --> 00:24:34.057
Don't hit me with the um.

00:24:34.657 --> 00:24:41.181
Uh, we've been seeing the new photos where you can add like you're preventing, don't do an ai photo if you don't have any abs.

00:24:41.240 --> 00:24:43.688
Don't show up with a six-pack on your don't do it.

00:24:43.769 --> 00:24:55.865
Don't do it, come on, don't do it, catfish but to make it a little bit easier on the bio side, you can just throw in to chat gpt some of your key points and we didn't have chat gpt when we were dating?

00:24:56.086 --> 00:25:01.384
no, we didn't and then just ask like I am, you know, a person that is looking for a relationship.

00:25:01.384 --> 00:25:03.009
This is my bio.

00:25:03.009 --> 00:25:12.057
Uh, you know, put this into a concise five sentence bio that I can put onto and you can be very specific to on which app you want to put it on, but just on my dating apps.

00:25:12.057 --> 00:25:18.198
I think that would also be able to help you, because sometimes it's harder to how do I, how do I see myself, how do I like?

00:25:18.218 --> 00:25:20.671
put all of this together exactly, exactly, okay.

00:25:20.730 --> 00:25:27.169
So now we're on the dating profile, we're, we're on it, we're live, we're looking for a relationship.

00:25:27.169 --> 00:25:31.837
Now we're talking about first date and initial interactions.

00:25:32.077 --> 00:25:34.132
Oh, this is good, right here, I got a lot for you.

00:25:34.132 --> 00:25:34.673
I know you do.

00:25:35.065 --> 00:25:39.978
So first I would say is, when you're you're thinking about first dates, keep it casual.

00:25:39.978 --> 00:25:41.468
It's it's a first date.

00:25:41.468 --> 00:25:45.685
You just met this person in a sense of let's go for a walk, let's get a cup of coffee.

00:25:45.685 --> 00:26:00.474
It doesn't need to be a sit down breakfast, a sit down dinner or sit down lunch, cause sometimes you know in the first 10 minutes like this isn't going to work out and you don't want to be rude and get up in the middle of a dinner, although I'm thinking I want to, but if it's a coffee, that's something that can be very short, sweet and to the point.

00:26:01.176 --> 00:26:07.211
Um, also, like we said, doing some sort of walk where it's like actually, you know, I need to go back to my car, I have to, you know, have something to do.

00:26:07.211 --> 00:26:18.553
If you know that it's, don't put so much pressure on the first date, because you're also get like when you think of the other person, you're gonna potentially get the most nervous, anxious.

00:26:18.553 --> 00:26:22.788
I am not my full self per se, because I this is.

00:26:22.788 --> 00:26:26.665
You're meeting somebody for the first time, whether it is from a dating app or in the wild.

00:26:26.665 --> 00:26:31.277
You're meeting a brand new person for the first time and that can be terrifying for sure.

00:26:31.297 --> 00:26:35.256
I mean your first time, at your first day at school, your first day, at work your first time and that can be terrifying, for sure.

00:26:35.276 --> 00:26:40.352
I mean your first time at your first day at school, your first day, oh my gosh, your first time doing anything like you're like man first time riding a bike, you might have failed yeah right.

00:26:40.372 --> 00:26:46.952
So I love that you mentioned that, because and that is online or in person is there can be those initial nerves.

00:26:46.952 --> 00:26:48.715
And then you mentioned a red flag.

00:26:48.715 --> 00:27:07.878
I'm going to tell you that actually, like, this first date is actually going to be the initial filter in the dating process, and this is where you're going to find out a green flag is the person that you ask to go out, being willing to meet up for coffee or grab breakfast or go for like a walk and chat or a meet up.

00:27:07.878 --> 00:27:17.310
Like that is a green flag, a red flag is you ask somebody to go out on that first date and they say are you flying me out somewhere or are you paying for my outfit?

00:27:17.310 --> 00:27:18.272
These are real things.

00:27:18.272 --> 00:27:19.276
Like I got a friend that's in LA.

00:27:19.276 --> 00:27:21.704
We'll have him on the episode at some point, but he's in acting and all that.

00:27:21.704 --> 00:27:22.607
He's like bro.

00:27:22.627 --> 00:27:24.515
Ladies are asking me am I going to buy?

00:27:24.515 --> 00:27:28.256
They need money to buy the outfit to take them out on the date.

00:27:28.256 --> 00:27:30.151
I'm like what?

00:27:30.151 --> 00:27:35.308
They don't have their own clothes.

00:27:35.308 --> 00:27:35.730
This is egregious.

00:27:35.730 --> 00:27:36.374
No, I need something new.

00:27:36.374 --> 00:27:37.218
You need something new like, but to?

00:27:37.238 --> 00:27:38.383
me that's look good, feel good that's what you just said.

00:27:38.403 --> 00:27:38.805
That's a red flag.

00:27:38.805 --> 00:27:40.890
But again you should be looking good already.

00:27:40.890 --> 00:27:48.442
You should need me to help fund, because again you can wear this outfit for somebody else after yes, I think you're yes and you're talking.

00:27:48.442 --> 00:27:54.394
A very specific la is known for being a certain kind of dating pool, but yes, you are correct.

00:27:54.515 --> 00:28:01.131
Where again, if somebody is asking you oh, you want to go to breakfast, oh no, we need to go to this, you know?

00:28:01.351 --> 00:28:02.054
Michelin star.

00:28:03.853 --> 00:28:08.134
We need to go to this Michelin star restaurant and I'm going to order the tomahawk steak.

00:28:08.134 --> 00:28:16.358
I'm getting surf and turf over here and you're running up a check and then you may know in the first 10 minutes that I'm not gonna, I'm not interested in this person.

00:28:16.358 --> 00:28:19.780
That's when you're being manipulative and that's when you're taking advantage of somebody.

00:28:19.780 --> 00:28:23.670
And then we also shouldn't be going on first dates just to be fed that's.

00:28:23.710 --> 00:28:29.471
That's not cool, we should that's not cool that first days to be fed is frowned upon remember people, we're all people.

00:28:29.530 --> 00:28:30.693
We all have feelings.

00:28:30.693 --> 00:28:34.864
So when you are telling me, are you know you're ordering all of this food?

00:28:34.864 --> 00:28:39.336
And we've even seen viral clips where I've got, I'm ordering for my kids.

00:28:39.644 --> 00:28:44.416
Order two things to go for your kids on a date and they not my kids.

00:28:44.806 --> 00:28:56.979
You're taking advantage of the person and that's unacceptable, and I personally feel like you're not putting your not only your best foot forward, but it's almost like a karma thing where that's going to come back to bite you in some way, because you took full advantage of this person.

00:28:56.999 --> 00:28:58.683
Well, that's a part of the reason why they single.

00:28:58.683 --> 00:29:05.070
Okay, and then also something else that I want to mention that you talked about, and I know the extreme was maybe the.

00:29:05.070 --> 00:29:06.015
Are you flying me out?

00:29:06.015 --> 00:29:07.787
Are you buying my outfit?

00:29:07.787 --> 00:29:08.387
That's extreme.

00:29:08.387 --> 00:29:10.711
That's extreme, but something that's not extreme, that's very common.

00:29:10.730 --> 00:29:11.652
It is a tricking culture, though.

00:29:11.672 --> 00:29:14.976
It's a tricking culture and it ain't tricking if you got it, but you better have long money.

00:29:15.217 --> 00:29:16.597
You better have longevity.

00:29:16.597 --> 00:29:18.760
You better have longevity on your money.

00:29:18.944 --> 00:29:22.285
Because eating at Maple and Ash every week is expensive, expensive.

00:29:22.384 --> 00:29:23.608
And if you set that standard?

00:29:23.669 --> 00:29:25.414
where are you going to go on the anniversary?

00:29:25.414 --> 00:29:30.973
You got to go fly to Paris and go to eat, but here's what I, setting the precedent.

00:29:30.973 --> 00:29:34.698
I'm going next, but I wanted to just mention the example of.

00:29:34.698 --> 00:29:45.470
It went viral that people were trying to go out on a date to the Cheesecake Factory and women were saying that Cheesecake Factory is not good enough that was like a Drake lyric and I want to look right in the camera and say they're wrong.

00:29:45.730 --> 00:29:47.395
The Cheesecake Factory is more than good enough.

00:29:47.395 --> 00:29:54.803
Let me know in the comments the reason I say that is because this is a first day we're getting to know each other.

00:29:54.823 --> 00:29:55.505
We're getting to know each other.

00:29:55.565 --> 00:30:02.411
The Cheesecake Factory to me like think about if you go on five days to the Cheesecake Factory First off it might be a Cheesecake Factory for happy hour.

00:30:02.451 --> 00:30:03.595
Come on.

00:30:03.615 --> 00:30:04.217
Happy hour.

00:30:04.217 --> 00:30:05.790
Don't even bring the regular menus out.

00:30:05.845 --> 00:30:06.849
Don't even bring them.

00:30:07.105 --> 00:30:08.270
Water only.

00:30:08.270 --> 00:30:15.419
Bread no, bring the bread out, although I do feel like I'm saying water for me, because I got to, I'm just going to drink the water, although I do feel Save five, ten dollars.

00:30:15.765 --> 00:30:16.747
To that point just quickly.

00:30:16.747 --> 00:30:23.931
I do feel on your first date, or your first couple of dates, a two drink maximum, because when you start getting a little, oh yeah.

00:30:23.951 --> 00:30:39.718
Well, first off, when you start getting a little Turns up and tipsy, you may make multiple drinks people, and they pay and they start thinking I'm getting the goodies, that's right and it's maybe presumptuous.

00:30:39.718 --> 00:30:41.314
That's right, but they will assume that's right and you'll be offended.

00:30:41.314 --> 00:30:41.971
Somebody kiss you, they come all the way.

00:30:41.971 --> 00:30:42.088
All the way they come.

00:30:42.009 --> 00:30:50.067
98, 98, they kiss you like hold on hold on you know where the three margaritas, though they like I thought I thought it was, I thought it was taco twerk tuesday in here.

00:30:50.067 --> 00:30:52.794
Just that's what they thought.

00:30:52.794 --> 00:30:54.698
That's that's just what they thought.

00:30:54.698 --> 00:31:02.536
So I just wanted to mention that the green and the red flag there on are they willing to go to a reasonable place for the first date?

00:31:02.536 --> 00:31:11.548
And that will let you know if somebody's actually interested in you, because if they're only willing to go to Maple and Asheville, they're only willing to go to the Prime Steakhouse, like if somebody really likes you.

00:31:11.567 --> 00:31:18.105
If they were batting their eyes at you when you walked up to them or they were like, ooh, I really, they really, they would go to in and out.

00:31:18.105 --> 00:31:23.509
Like they would go to Starbucks and sit down with you on the patio and just talk because they're genuinely interested.

00:31:23.509 --> 00:31:31.191
Or if we really, if we really go into another level, the ladies that are willing to reach out and walk up to the man, they might grab the tab.

00:31:31.191 --> 00:31:40.289
They might say I'm willing to treat, just to let you know I got a job and I can afford it and that's a flex Like any ladies.

00:31:40.289 --> 00:31:42.039
You don't want to necessarily always set that tone.

00:31:42.080 --> 00:31:42.805
That's what I was about to say.

00:31:42.945 --> 00:31:43.689
You don't want to set the tone.

00:31:43.689 --> 00:31:45.431
You're going to pay because there are some chumps out there.

00:31:45.431 --> 00:31:51.178
But if you offer, if you offer, that's another opportunity, that's another filter.

00:31:51.178 --> 00:31:59.499
Offering just to know you have the money if I didn't have my wallet.

00:31:59.838 --> 00:32:01.001
That's right, I got you.

00:32:01.569 --> 00:32:07.595
Because there's sometimes, if it was like yo, I'm not playing a prank, I just, oh, I forgot my wallet, although that is something that's been happening.

00:32:07.595 --> 00:32:08.136
It is.

00:32:08.136 --> 00:32:11.285
It is People playing that role there are people talking about us, so what happened was.

00:32:11.285 --> 00:32:11.788
I'll tell you what.

00:32:15.134 --> 00:32:16.777
If somebody ordered for their kids.

00:32:16.777 --> 00:32:17.558
Please Separate tab.

00:32:17.558 --> 00:32:18.200
Okay, she's got it.

00:32:18.200 --> 00:32:20.282
Oh, she's got it and I'm going to be honest.

00:32:20.303 --> 00:32:21.865
There's nothing wrong with saying you got to go Dutch.

00:32:21.865 --> 00:32:24.005
If it gets weird, it gets froggy in there.

00:32:24.026 --> 00:32:24.490
That's a good match.

00:32:24.670 --> 00:32:30.196
I'm just saying if it gets froggy and somebody gets to order a meal for today, for tomorrow and for their kids, be like you know what?

00:32:33.093 --> 00:32:36.236
Actually two checks.

00:32:36.236 --> 00:32:39.759
So you want to show up authentically on your first date and your initial interactions.

00:32:39.759 --> 00:32:45.484
You want to focus on connection, like be present there and don't be on your phone.

00:32:45.484 --> 00:32:48.877
Oh my gosh, that is the worst when you are on your phone.

00:32:48.877 --> 00:32:50.464
Again, there are it's, it's.

00:32:50.464 --> 00:33:03.046
There are some scenarios where it's case by case especially if you have kids, I do feel like you need to be on your phone at some points, but don't be on your phone the whole time, because now you're telling me that you're not engaged, you're telling me that you're not interested in this.

00:33:03.046 --> 00:33:04.630
So then why am I still here?

00:33:04.730 --> 00:33:08.893
I'm gonna leave, I'm gonna go ahead and just check out and I almost blew it on our first date because I was on my phone.

00:33:08.893 --> 00:33:12.267
You should well yes, but it was a circumstance.

00:33:12.267 --> 00:33:14.952
So I appreciate you being understanding, but it just wasn't a good look.

00:33:14.952 --> 00:33:22.845
I did pick a great place for the first date, which is dave and Buster's, and, for those that don't know, as a former athlete, I wanted to see if she have athleticism.

00:33:22.970 --> 00:33:25.246
You're also 23, 22.

00:33:25.246 --> 00:33:26.933
Yeah, yeah, so you have to give preface.

00:33:26.933 --> 00:33:27.776
You have to give preface.

00:33:27.776 --> 00:33:28.680
You may not be 40.

00:33:28.680 --> 00:33:29.990
You may not be 40 and go to Dave and Buster's.

00:33:29.990 --> 00:33:34.713
I don't want to go to Dave and.00:33:34.733 --> 00:33:40.219


Buster's, but if you're youthful that might be a Two play Wednesdays, get extra game card Come on now, but we had a great time.00:33:40.259 --> 00:33:41.361


Bring that game card for your kids.00:33:41.380 --> 00:33:41.820


Come on now.00:33:41.820 --> 00:33:43.321


Game card back for the kid.00:33:43.321 --> 00:33:45.023


That's okay, come on.00:33:45.044 --> 00:33:48.769


Bring your kids back on the extra points, because the game card came with the $50 I just spent, correct?00:33:48.769 --> 00:33:49.931


So the 10, take that to your kids.00:33:50.231 --> 00:33:57.878


But I was just going to say when we met and we went to the Dave Buster's on which, that wasn't really a good look.00:33:57.878 --> 00:34:04.003


So my recommendation would be try to go somewhere that, like you, don't know everybody and I didn't plan to run into people I knew I just went to.00:34:04.003 --> 00:34:14.233


We were in Tempe Dave Buster's, Tempe Marketplace and literally I just happened to run into three people that I knew walking into the building and she was like ooh, he is too popular, who is this?00:34:14.233 --> 00:34:22.842


That was when my phone was ringing off the hook Because at the time I was getting ready to fly, I had a workout or something going on, but I just didn't mean to be distracted.00:34:22.842 --> 00:34:27.766


But that was a perfect example of I almost tricked it by being distracted on that first date.00:34:27.766 --> 00:34:29.295


But I appreciate you giving me another chance.00:34:29.416 --> 00:34:31.336


Yes, and then also the questions you asked.00:34:31.336 --> 00:34:34.059


You were asking as if this is this gets straight.00:34:34.079 --> 00:34:37.039


Hey, let's get straight to it he said can you cook?00:34:37.039 --> 00:34:42.623


I was like wow I need to know if I need to know if it's a good investment and what did I say?00:34:42.684 --> 00:34:44.565


I said I can cook, but I may not cook for you.00:34:44.565 --> 00:34:47.795


You did say that you know I'm gonna you did say you cook for your brother.00:34:47.835 --> 00:34:48.657


You're like I cook for my.00:34:48.657 --> 00:34:53.349


But also I appreciated that you was basically letting me know like I ain't know, you're just cooking for men, like I cook for my brother.00:34:53.349 --> 00:34:55.331


Okay, but you let me know you knew how to cook.00:34:55.331 --> 00:35:00.557


But if you would have said like no, I don't know how to cook, I would have just said mental note deal breaker.00:35:01.219 --> 00:35:05.244


Yeah, that is a deal breaker for you especially when it comes to the grannies can?00:35:05.264 --> 00:35:05.784


throw it down.00:35:05.784 --> 00:35:06.985


Deal breaker Woo, they can throw it down.00:35:06.985 --> 00:35:07.485


Come on, granny.00:35:07.969 --> 00:35:09.777


Listen, catfish woo chop.00:35:09.777 --> 00:35:12.960


So then let's also go into when we were talking about Dave and Buster's.00:35:12.960 --> 00:35:15.012


That's also another way to prioritize safety.00:35:15.012 --> 00:35:19.717


I feel like that's something we do need to talk about especially in this day and age go somewhere public.00:35:19.717 --> 00:35:21.300


Do not meet up at somebody's house.00:35:21.300 --> 00:35:23.443


I have heard y'all.00:35:23.443 --> 00:35:24.764


I've heard real serial killers.00:35:24.784 --> 00:35:25.485


Give one example.00:35:25.565 --> 00:35:25.965


I'm not.00:35:25.965 --> 00:35:27.255


We'll save that.00:35:27.255 --> 00:35:35.179


But there have been some very tricky situations that I've heard women get into because they met up with somebody at their house.00:35:35.179 --> 00:35:37.230


No, that's a terrible idea.00:35:37.230 --> 00:35:41.221


Let's prioritize safety, especially for the first date or an initial interaction.00:35:41.221 --> 00:35:45.300


But again, right, some would say well, it depends on what you're on the dating app for.00:35:45.300 --> 00:35:54.925


If you are on a dating app for more casual interaction, then maybe meeting somebody at their house is where you choose to do that.00:35:55.231 --> 00:35:56.195


You might have a ring camera.00:35:56.650 --> 00:36:01.842


You know, but just make sure that either somebody knows your location, know where you are, you have an air tag on you.00:36:01.842 --> 00:36:10.331


Hopefully it's not put on you by somebody else, because that is something that's happening now is that you know women are being preyed on where there are air tags on their cars.00:36:10.331 --> 00:36:15.280


So again, just being prioritized your safety uh, you said this earlier.00:36:15.280 --> 00:36:21.989


Compliment sincerely on something that you do like and don't compliment me on a body part, a body part.00:36:22.873 --> 00:36:23.195


Don't do that.00:36:23.195 --> 00:36:25.284


Oh, you got a big old booty like get out of here.00:36:25.284 --> 00:36:26.027


It's not your beauty.00:36:26.027 --> 00:36:29.797


It's not your beauty, it's your booty that's a no for us.00:36:29.918 --> 00:36:30.780


That's a no for us.00:36:30.780 --> 00:36:39.759


And then I would also say something too when you're, when you're thinking about a first date or an initial interaction, you're not marrying this person today, correct?00:36:39.759 --> 00:36:57.822


Don't put so much uh like emphasis on this initial interaction is what's going to determine the entire rest of the relationship unless they can't cook, and that's a deal breaker that's a deal breaker for you, okay, but yes, you're, you're correct, and so you're not going to marry this person today.00:36:57.862 --> 00:37:00.815


And again, when you're meeting somebody for the first time, you're meeting probably my most anxious, nervous and I don't know.00:37:00.815 --> 00:37:01.699


You're not going to marry this person today.00:37:01.699 --> 00:37:04.590


And again, when you're meeting somebody for the first time, you're meeting probably my most anxious nervous and I don't know A version of me.00:37:05.170 --> 00:37:06.173


Yes, a version of me.00:37:06.173 --> 00:37:13.641


That may not be my best version, so give me some time, like give me a little bit of space to be able to show you who I actually am.00:37:13.641 --> 00:37:27.594


And then this also goes a little bit into what we're going to be talking about next, which is what happens during the dating process.00:37:27.594 --> 00:37:31.007


So now we're on, we have our, our dating profile, we're going on some first dates, some initial interactions, but now I'm actually I'm in the process of dating.00:37:31.007 --> 00:37:38.552


I'm in the process of being open, seeing that I've maybe done some inner work on myself to be able to get to where I am Now.00:37:38.552 --> 00:37:40.798


What happens during the dating process?00:37:41.400 --> 00:37:41.860


It's a great one.00:37:45.391 --> 00:37:50.556


So I think the dating process first and foremost, we have to do the initial work to know what we're even looking for before we get out there and start dating.00:37:50.750 --> 00:38:04.333


So, like for me, I did the initial work of knowing a brother's got to eat, so I've got to date somebody that can cook, because I'm not going to be doing all the cooking, but like, if you're one of the fellows and you're a chef, you might be like, hey, all the ladies, it doesn't matter if you can cook or not.00:38:04.353 --> 00:38:04.454


Girl.00:38:04.534 --> 00:38:06.014


I'm going to cook for you yes.00:38:06.014 --> 00:38:06.856


I'm not that guy.00:38:06.856 --> 00:38:07.496


That's right.00:38:07.496 --> 00:38:09.277


So that's a perfect example.00:38:09.297 --> 00:38:12.858


You got breakfast, though, come on, I can cook.00:38:12.858 --> 00:38:15.880


You know, okay, give yourself.00:38:16.141 --> 00:38:17.561


That's a perfect example of breakfast.00:38:17.561 --> 00:38:26.827


But then also like knowing what those red flags are, and then also like knowing what is a good flag and what's like come on, now be better.00:38:26.827 --> 00:38:28.447


So we talked about it earlier.00:38:28.447 --> 00:38:33.672


There's some ladies that are like I need my man to be over 6'5 or 6 feet, 6 feet 6 feet.00:38:33.672 --> 00:38:34.958


Is this like ideal number?00:38:34.958 --> 00:38:37.175


What's the average height of a man in the US?00:38:37.277 --> 00:38:37.717


5'8.00:38:44.202 --> 00:38:45.789


So you're already putting yourself at a disadvantage.00:38:45.789 --> 00:38:58.818


So know that like okay, six feet is a soft, like red soft flag, yes, but like, maybe someone that like has kids is something that you're like hey, I don't have kids and I'm not, that's true, so like for me, I remember, like we, you, we weren't in a situation where you had kids.00:38:58.838 --> 00:39:31.635


We both didn't have kids, but like I would, I met people around the time that we were, like that, had kids, and I was like, ooh, that could be something where I'm just me, personally, preference wise, I don't want to deal with, like the baby daddy and like you know, may have, you know he want to know why I'm, I'm, you know why I'm disciplining his kid or why I told him he can't watch TV all night, and like I got to answer those questions, so like, but that can be something that you know, going into the dating situation, so that now, knowing your deal breakers and then knowing like, hey, this is a soft deal breaker and this is a hard deal breaker.00:39:31.836 --> 00:39:32.217


Correct.00:39:32.217 --> 00:39:44.827


A hard deal breaker might be like domestic violence, if they've got a tone, or look like they're angry like I'm out of here, but like a soft deal breakers like they're angry, like I'm out of here, but like a soft deal breaker is they're not six feet and they're 5'9" but they're really nice and they're sweet and all of those things.00:39:44.827 --> 00:39:48.900


Or maybe they're not a size zero, but they're really nice.00:39:48.900 --> 00:39:57.282


They're amazing, like those are things that can be softer deal breakers, where you can get to know somebody, and that can be things that you're finding out in that dating process.00:39:57.282 --> 00:40:01.463


But it's good to go somewhere where you can actually talk and get to know somebody on dates.00:40:01.463 --> 00:40:04.326


So I say, like places to avoid, don't go to the movies.00:40:04.326 --> 00:40:05.326


Literally.00:40:05.326 --> 00:40:08.246


You're gonna pay to go sit somewhere and be quiet and be quiet.00:40:08.266 --> 00:40:08.728


What's the point?00:40:08.748 --> 00:40:09.887


and it'd be like how was the movie?00:40:09.887 --> 00:40:11.815


And you got a chance that the movie wasn't even good.00:40:11.815 --> 00:40:13.740


So if the movie's good, you're quiet the whole time.00:40:13.740 --> 00:40:20.639


If the movie's bad, you're being judged because you picked a terrible movie and we're like we just wasted two hours sitting here, watch, like in the dark and quiet.00:40:20.639 --> 00:40:30.523


So I would just say, do things where you can actually talk to each other, you can engage, you can walk and also you can find out more about that person on each date.00:40:30.523 --> 00:40:36.621


And really it's the discovery, like that's what I always like to say like are you discovering who this person is like?00:40:36.621 --> 00:40:38.092


What do they want to do in five years?00:40:38.092 --> 00:40:42.766


Like that's gonna you're, if you're asking those questions and genuinely get to know the person, you're going to really find out.00:40:42.766 --> 00:40:44.251


Is there potential here?00:40:44.251 --> 00:40:45.612


Is this not a fit?00:40:45.612 --> 00:40:46.936


You're going to find out pretty soon.00:40:47.777 --> 00:41:22.525


Yes, I, you're right on point with all of what you said, and I think that when it comes to the dating process too, like having fun, I know that sometimes people what from what I've heard is that there's such an emphasis on the first date where it's a, it's almost make or break, and that can take the fun out of it for people where you want to go in and just see, like, hey, I let me just see who this person is Like, let me just get to know this person, rather than I'm going in to find my mate, I'm going in to find my you know my soulmate, for example.00:41:22.525 --> 00:41:24.838


So, have fun, don't rush.00:41:24.838 --> 00:41:26.896


Take the time to get to know somebody.00:41:26.896 --> 00:41:29.478


It may take a couple of times too.00:41:29.478 --> 00:41:31.775


So don't just instantly write somebody off.00:41:31.775 --> 00:41:39.338


Unless they give you that red flag or they give you that hard deal breaker in that moment, then right, you can move on to the next.00:41:39.338 --> 00:41:42.679


But give people an opportunity to show you their true, authentic selves.00:41:43.391 --> 00:41:52.876


And I was just going to say, too, that social media aspect as well, of now you're dating somebody, but also like if they're nervous on that first date, like your social media is also a representation of you.00:41:52.876 --> 00:41:54.577


It's almost like your resume, right?00:41:54.690 --> 00:41:58.521


So, if like, oh, she was super nervous, like I don't know if she stuck up, is she mean?00:41:58.521 --> 00:42:04.632


Like she was super quiet.00:42:04.632 --> 00:42:11.807


But if I see on your social media, like, oh, she's really outgoing, like man, she's a mentor, oh, she's like doing all of this stuff in the community, like that can also help me understand who you are aside from just that first date.00:42:11.807 --> 00:42:25.396


So also, like, make sure your social media is a representation of you in a good way, so that because again that could it's almost like a job interview, right, like the job before they invest into you with a salary, they want to look at your LinkedIn or your resume and see if you're a fit.00:42:25.396 --> 00:42:26.380


It's the same thing in dating.00:42:26.380 --> 00:42:28.336


So like, make sure you're putting your best foot forward.00:42:28.538 --> 00:42:37.338


Yes, and I also think that for, um, if you are a mom or a dad, there are some people that are out there looking for just that.00:42:37.338 --> 00:42:49.815


You are a great mother and that's going to show me so much of your quality and it's going to show me who you are as a person by you being a great mom or being a great dad, and that's actually going to make you more attractive to me.00:42:49.815 --> 00:43:03.557


So I also think that too, because you know, it can kind of be sometimes you may not necessarily always want to talk about your kids, but I do feel, if that is the realm that you're in, that's a, that's a topic, but it's not the entire conversation.00:43:04.320 --> 00:43:06.088


Yeah, no, and there's so many people out here too.00:43:06.088 --> 00:43:17.797


I love that you mentioned that, because I think there's some people that, like you mentioned earlier, are lonely or maybe feel a little bit hopeless when it comes to the dating scene and situation, and there's literally some someone out there for everyone.00:43:17.797 --> 00:43:36.036


And so, like you just said, there's someone that's out there that for that single mom or that single dad, there's somebody that's like hey, I don't want kids, but I would love to find somebody and be able to, like you know, shower your kids with love and be able to be a bonus dad or a bonus mom, and they're literally looking for that.00:43:36.590 --> 00:43:46.081


So just know that, like you can have hope and not feel like I can't share that I'm a mom or be my authentic self, because I'm afraid that that's going to be a turn off.00:43:46.081 --> 00:43:51.719


Be you, because that's going to attract you to the right person or move you away from the wrong person.00:43:52.150 --> 00:43:53.476


Exactly, that's very true.00:43:53.476 --> 00:43:59.795


So that goes to communicate openly about what you are looking for, but then also who you are.00:43:59.795 --> 00:44:05.362


Set boundaries as well during the dating process on what your expectations are.00:44:05.362 --> 00:44:07.157


It's not the first date, though.00:44:07.157 --> 00:44:08.695


Hey, this is my expectation.00:44:08.695 --> 00:44:10.036


Can you live up to it or not?00:44:10.210 --> 00:44:11.376


Maple and ash every Saturday.00:44:11.510 --> 00:44:19.617


You know, because that makes it feel as if you are interrogating me number one, but that also makes me feel like I'm already on the defense, because what are your intentions?00:44:19.617 --> 00:44:26.873


Are you trying to maybe get with me for my money?00:44:26.873 --> 00:44:28.458


Are you trying to get with me for my status power?00:44:28.458 --> 00:44:29.460


What is it that you are looking for from me?00:44:29.460 --> 00:44:31.630


Um, and then vice versa too right, what am I looking for from you?00:44:31.630 --> 00:44:38.054


So I think setting expectations is another great opportunity for you during the dating process Listen and be respectful.00:44:39.237 --> 00:45:08.981


You again, when you're, when you're actively listening to somebody, you it should be ping pong in a conversation where you're going back and forth and I, you know, are you from here, you say yes or no, and then, based off of that, I then have another question that I can go a little bit deeper, and then another question to go a little bit deeper, and it's just about having casual conversation in the beginning, because you're just getting to know the basic of who this person is, and then, when we're going to talk a little bit about, you know, dated, relating questions that you can ask to then start seeing more of.00:45:08.981 --> 00:45:11.648


Okay, for example, how do you handle conflict?00:45:11.648 --> 00:45:15.240


Right, that's going to be more pushed down later down the line.00:45:15.240 --> 00:45:20.503


That's not your first date, or even second, or third that's not an icebreaker, that's not an icebreaker, right.00:45:21.289 --> 00:45:25.204


And so so, um, you just you said something before we want to recognize those red flags.00:45:25.204 --> 00:45:41.561


And if that is something that is hard for you because I do know quite a few people where they say, I don't those social cues or I don't know how to recognize the red flags, if you have a support system, you have your group of girls where you can go to and you say, hey, this is what was what was said to me, like, do you?00:45:41.561 --> 00:45:46.333


I don't know if I am overreacting or if I'm maybe being triggered, but this is what was said to me.00:45:46.333 --> 00:45:47.297


What do you all think?00:45:47.297 --> 00:45:47.777


Now?00:45:48.139 --> 00:45:58.438


Take it with a grain of salt, right, kind of chew on the meat, spit out the bones when it comes to that, because you will have some people go to your friend that you know is supportive and that you know will give you the right feedback.00:45:58.438 --> 00:46:01.543


I think we all have an idea of who that friend is.00:46:01.543 --> 00:46:17.239


Um, if you don't know how to recognize those red flags, but if you do, it makes it easier for you to be able to move on to either the next um person or even a new dating app, because there may be a dating app that's not working for you, and you know.00:46:17.239 --> 00:46:25.523


There are now apps dating apps where you can get more into your personality and that's already a part of your profile that you don't have to add into your bio per se.00:46:25.989 --> 00:46:30.280


And I'm glad you said that about personality, because something I looked up to is I wanted to know what your zodiac sign was.00:46:30.280 --> 00:46:31.422


Are we compatible?00:46:31.521 --> 00:46:34.016


You sure did what they say about the Taurus and the Scorpios.00:46:34.016 --> 00:46:37.791


You sure did, and I think that was maybe three months in.00:46:37.791 --> 00:46:38.373


You sent that over.00:46:38.373 --> 00:46:39.373


Maybe three months in, you sent that over.00:46:39.393 --> 00:46:40.474


Early, not late.00:46:40.474 --> 00:46:42.076


Tell me more about you.00:46:42.076 --> 00:46:44.137


I want to know the things that you may not be able to tell me.00:46:44.137 --> 00:46:45.539


What does your zodiac sign say?00:46:45.539 --> 00:46:55.606


And it may not be all right, but although like you got the stinger but super loving all of those things, scorpio but like it does say like that we are a good match from the sign perspective.00:46:55.606 --> 00:46:58.054


So I just think that's interesting.00:46:58.054 --> 00:46:59.400


It's not everything, but it is something.00:46:59.641 --> 00:47:00.164


Correct.00:47:00.164 --> 00:47:03.494


And then, lastly, during the dating process, is just be positive.00:47:03.494 --> 00:47:12.791


You know, I know it's not always easy to be positive, especially if you've gone on like date after date after date and it's getting just it's.00:47:12.791 --> 00:47:26.371


You start thinking it's hard out here and it is hard, I'm not going to, you know, I'm not going to take away from that, but also realizing that when you are positive and kind and putting your best foot forward, you're going to also attract that right, what energy are you putting out there?00:47:26.371 --> 00:47:28.396


Cause that's what you're going to also attract.00:47:28.396 --> 00:47:29.498


Um, it's.00:47:30.561 --> 00:47:35.751


This goes back to the red flags, though, cause sometimes you can be the positive and optimistic and people do take advantage of that.00:47:35.751 --> 00:47:56.956


Uh, recognizing that that is a red flag and if you can maneuver around that, but still just showing up in a positive light, showing up and you know, smiling, just smiling, even if it's not necessarily how you feel during that time, by talking to somebody else that sees that you're smiling, it allows them to be more open and more receptive.00:47:56.956 --> 00:47:59.452


And then it's oh my gosh, this turned into such a great date.00:47:59.452 --> 00:48:08.516


I wasn't that excited about it in the beginning and I was just kind of going to go maybe, but now that I allowed myself to be in the process and be open to it.00:48:08.516 --> 00:48:11.956


That was actually a great day and I enjoyed that and I would maybe like to see you again.00:48:12.358 --> 00:48:17.559


Yeah, and I think you know the fact that, to your point of what you mentioned of go places that bring that joy out of you, that bring that smile out of you?00:48:17.559 --> 00:48:33.396


Yes, that bring that smile out, whether that's church or volunteering, or your favorite game or event or, you know, trivia, karaoke, like whatever that is that you smile, there's a better chance that you might meet somebody, or they see that smile or that energy in that moment, which is really impactful.00:48:33.396 --> 00:48:34.800


So I know we dropped a lot of gems today.00:48:35.210 --> 00:48:35.610


We did.00:48:35.610 --> 00:48:44.769


So let me I'm figuring out which how I want to transition, cause we can go into conversation starters, which I feel like that would just make it easy.00:48:44.769 --> 00:48:48.942


If you have like three questions that you can kind of go to, that will open up the conversation.00:48:48.942 --> 00:48:52.661


But then I also want to ask you where do you meet people?00:48:52.661 --> 00:48:54.036


Where do you meet people nowadays?00:48:54.036 --> 00:48:58.681


So maybe let's do conversation starters first and then let's go into where to meet people, okay, okay.00:48:58.681 --> 00:49:08.436


So when we're talking about the first date, some conversation starters are very simple.00:49:08.456 --> 00:49:09.378


Where did you take your photos in your profile?00:49:09.398 --> 00:49:10.262


oh huh that's a great question.00:49:10.262 --> 00:49:12.990


I loved seeing you know there's a monument behind you.00:49:12.990 --> 00:49:14.313


It looks like you like to travel.00:49:14.313 --> 00:49:15.878


Where did you take that photo?00:49:15.878 --> 00:49:18.472


And now that opens me up to then share with you.00:49:18.472 --> 00:49:19.856


Oh, I have this love traveling.00:49:19.856 --> 00:49:33.782


I've been to however many countries, which we have our second episode where we were interviewing Brett Hundley and his wife Khadijah They've been over to 60, over 60 countries, and that's something that brings them joy, so that can be something that also connects you too.00:49:33.782 --> 00:49:36.532


But then also, simply, are you from here?00:49:36.532 --> 00:49:38.836


Very simply, are you from here?00:49:38.836 --> 00:49:41.702


And if you're not in your transplant, where are you from?00:49:41.702 --> 00:49:44.708


And if you're not in your transplant, where are you from?00:49:44.708 --> 00:49:47.934


Because that can give me a little insight also, maybe, into your morals and values.00:49:47.934 --> 00:49:48.835


Right, we have some of the Midwest charm.00:49:48.835 --> 00:49:51.722


We have the Southern hospitality, those type of things too.00:49:51.722 --> 00:49:55.202


That can also give me a little insight into the values that you bring.00:49:55.202 --> 00:49:58.612


But also, what's your favorite thing to do on the weekend?00:49:58.612 --> 00:50:00.197


Right, very light.00:50:00.197 --> 00:50:03.244


I'm not asking you about your past relationships.00:50:04.414 --> 00:50:04.755


How much?00:50:04.795 --> 00:50:05.318


money do you make?00:50:05.318 --> 00:50:06.556


What are your religious beliefs?00:50:06.556 --> 00:50:08.717


We're not getting so heavy into that.00:50:08.717 --> 00:50:09.702


This is just a first date.00:50:09.702 --> 00:50:10.224


It's surface.00:50:10.224 --> 00:50:11.668


Get to know you.00:50:11.668 --> 00:50:16.059


Get to know you, and so what are some of your favorite things you like to do on the weekend?00:50:16.059 --> 00:50:24.012


Another question is what's a recent experience that made you laugh?00:50:24.054 --> 00:50:24.755


I thought that was very good.00:50:24.755 --> 00:50:25.695


I just icebreaker icebreaker.00:50:25.936 --> 00:50:35.630


Let's just it's already something where it's uncomfortable to meet somebody for the first time and have this initial interaction, but let's just open it up a little bit.00:50:35.630 --> 00:50:44.034


Something else too if you are somebody who is a movie buff, like you are, or likes to read books, what's a book, movie or show that you'd recommend?00:50:44.034 --> 00:50:45.539


What's something that you're reading right now?00:50:45.539 --> 00:50:47.172


What's a show that you're watching right now?00:50:47.172 --> 00:50:51.331


Because that also all of these questions are giving just a little bit of insight.00:50:51.393 --> 00:50:54.246


For example, somebody says I actually don't read books, I don't like reading.00:50:54.246 --> 00:50:57.894


Deal breaker deal breaker you don't like education, you're not trying to learn.00:50:57.894 --> 00:51:01.663


That can tell you a can tell you a lot, but maybe if you're somebody else.00:51:01.663 --> 00:51:02.643


That doesn't like reading.00:51:02.643 --> 00:51:05.157


And they're like I love audio books or I love movies.00:51:05.157 --> 00:51:06.039


You're like well, I love movies.00:51:06.039 --> 00:51:07.474


Now you might have found your match.00:51:07.474 --> 00:51:09.974


Y'all don't have to read together, y'all can go to all the movies together.00:51:10.717 --> 00:51:13.958


Yes, so also what song gets you moving?00:51:22.150 --> 00:51:22.311


What song?00:51:22.311 --> 00:51:23.211


All of a sudden find out that someone's got sweet feet.00:51:23.134 --> 00:51:24.266


Sweet feet on the dance floor next.00:51:24.266 --> 00:51:32.940


All because you asked that question and now we're salsa dancing crazy shoulders hips, hips, what's?00:51:32.940 --> 00:51:36.030


And then also what's the most spontaneous thing you've done lately?00:51:36.030 --> 00:51:40.922


It can be lately, it can be done period what's something spontaneous that you've done?00:51:40.922 --> 00:51:45.384


Because then also that might let me a little bit of insight into I jumped off.00:51:45.403 --> 00:51:50.581


I jumped off a bridge and bungee jumped, bungee jumped and it's like, yeah, that's a little extreme for me, I'm not.00:51:50.742 --> 00:51:51.871


I'm not an adrenaline junkie.00:51:51.871 --> 00:51:54.097


For me, that may be something I need to kind of.00:51:54.097 --> 00:51:58.875


Uh, that's a soft deal breaker or opposites attract.00:51:58.875 --> 00:52:01.099


Right, that's true.00:52:01.260 --> 00:52:01.641


That's true.00:52:02.242 --> 00:52:02.443


Okay.00:52:02.443 --> 00:52:10.150


So those I feel like are some great conversation starters when you're just getting to know somebody and you are on that initial date, that first date.00:52:10.150 --> 00:52:14.422


Now let's get into some of those deeper questions.00:52:14.422 --> 00:52:21.159


Maybe we're on the you know, fifth plus date where I surface level have gotten to know you.00:52:21.159 --> 00:52:30.554


But now let's get a little bit deeper, because if you're on a fifth date, I'm interested right, like I would say Fifth date, you didn't invest in a couple hundred.00:52:30.574 --> 00:52:35.242


Potentially A walk is free, that's true, but ain't a lot of people walking on these dates from what we're hearing.00:52:35.322 --> 00:52:36.824


Maybe that's a problem, let's get into nature.00:52:36.824 --> 00:52:38.371


Okay, let's get into nature.00:52:38.371 --> 00:52:39.012


Okay, let's get into nature.00:52:39.012 --> 00:52:43.000


So, but let's get into some of the deeper questions where what are you passionate about?00:52:43.000 --> 00:52:56.070


Right, like, let's start getting into, because if you say, oh, I'm not passionate about anything, but you're somebody that is in red flag not passionate about anything they're like you may not be passionate in bed, and that's something that I may want.00:52:56.070 --> 00:52:57.213


Oh, what do you mean?00:52:57.213 --> 00:52:58.175


Yeah, let's get deep.00:52:58.175 --> 00:52:59.257


What are we?00:52:59.257 --> 00:53:00.340


Hello?00:53:00.380 --> 00:53:00.880


That's true.00:53:00.880 --> 00:53:02.324


I was thinking about passion in life.00:53:03.030 --> 00:53:05.318


Passion in life, but then also passionate in.00:53:05.710 --> 00:53:06.655


Physically passionate too.00:53:06.655 --> 00:53:07.916


Yeah, that could be a deal breaker.00:53:07.916 --> 00:53:09.014


That could be a red flag for somebody.00:53:09.737 --> 00:53:09.998


Hello.00:53:09.998 --> 00:53:11.172


I mean women.00:53:11.172 --> 00:53:21.574


We are very emotional and naturally want to have a connection, and if you're not passionate about something, then that's already letting me know a few things about you.00:53:21.655 --> 00:53:23.677


You need to go do some discovery and find your passion, fella.00:53:23.677 --> 00:53:24.117


Okay, thank you.00:53:24.117 --> 00:53:25.257


You need some shadow work.00:53:25.257 --> 00:53:26.259


It's time for some shadow work.00:53:26.298 --> 00:53:28.822


Yeah, it's time for some shadow work, but figuring out right.00:53:28.822 --> 00:53:33.987


What are you passionate about, what is a goal that you're working towards?00:53:33.987 --> 00:53:37.076


This could be another deal breaker.00:53:37.076 --> 00:53:38.222


This could be another deal breaker.00:53:41.530 --> 00:53:42.110


You don't have no goals.00:53:42.110 --> 00:53:48.606


If you don't have any goals or if you're working towards a goal, that what is fulfilling for you may not necessarily that may.00:53:48.606 --> 00:53:59.992


Some people may look at that as being Ooh okay, well, that's not something that I find passionate or that I a goal that I would work towards, but at least you're working towards a goal, at least you're being ambitious.00:54:00.233 --> 00:54:27.893


And I love that we're having these conversations about these key questions that are second, third layer, Come on, Because so often people get caught up in the goodies, both male and female, where it's so caught up on the sexual or the physical aspect that now you've just looked past all these questions, they ain't got no goals, they don't do any reading, they don't have any passions, Right, but the physical thing is the only thing that you have and that's why you're on the fifth date, Right, we got to do some self-exploration of is this enough?00:54:27.893 --> 00:54:33.833


Is that physical component enough 10 years from now, or 20 years from now, or when that wears off?00:54:33.833 --> 00:54:36.077


Or like what are the goals?00:54:36.077 --> 00:54:42.681


The goals are what's left right or the like is this going to be a good partner and helpmate beyond just the physical aspect?00:54:42.681 --> 00:54:43.916


So I just wanted to call that out.00:54:43.916 --> 00:54:46.757


That's a great point that you made of wait a minute.00:54:46.757 --> 00:54:48.641


What are your goals, what are your passions?00:54:48.641 --> 00:55:03.164


And these responses can give you an idea so that you're not in a situation where you're carrying somebody, Because we do know there's relationships where think about I mean think about being on a boat and it's a two person rower and there's only one person rowing and it's like wait, who's on that?00:55:03.164 --> 00:55:07.510


Right You're.00:55:07.510 --> 00:55:14.300


You feel like you're going in a circle because there's only one person rowing on the inside, versus we're both rowing and we're going further together, and so you want to find that person that you're going to row with and it has that vision.00:55:14.771 --> 00:55:17.057


But these questions can help you find that match.00:55:17.097 --> 00:55:29.434


Correct, correct, correct, and I think something that is, although this is a very simple question, it's a question that's going to get deeper into the other person, which is what's something you're grateful for?00:55:29.434 --> 00:55:32.485


That can be period, that can be today.00:55:32.485 --> 00:55:34.030


What is something that you're grateful for?00:55:34.030 --> 00:55:39.731


But now we're getting more into who you are as a person, rather than, again, the surface level questions.00:55:39.731 --> 00:55:58.610


We need to start getting a little bit deeper when it starts getting closer to the fifth plus date, and these are all ways, you know, those three questions are great ways for you to be able to get under the surface and figure out is this going to be a long term relationship or is this going to be something that's just for now?00:55:58.856 --> 00:56:00.543


Is this some short term fun, correct?00:56:00.543 --> 00:56:03.664


Or is it short term fun that you see can turn into something long term?00:56:03.724 --> 00:56:03.925


Right.00:56:04.135 --> 00:56:06.563


Or like basically, what are your expectations?00:56:06.684 --> 00:56:07.005


Correct.00:56:07.005 --> 00:56:39.344


Because then also, whatever your questions are to those answers, if you're saying something where you know what's the goal that you're working towards to today and it's like I have this goal but I I'm not working towards it today because I may be in this job and this job isn't allowing me the space, the energy, the time to be able to put into my goals but these are some of my goals that I do have you may be talking to somebody where it's like I can actually help you get to that goal, and now we're starting to talk about a partner, and now you're seeing that, okay, you have partner qualities and partner tendencies.00:56:39.344 --> 00:56:45.226


This is making me feel like we can have a longer term relationship, that we can have a more intimate relationship as well.00:56:45.226 --> 00:56:50.782


Um, and then let's go into dating related questions.00:56:50.782 --> 00:56:56.949


So now, yes, we're going deeper, but then let's go into the actual relationship piece.00:56:56.949 --> 00:57:00.605


For example, what are you looking for in a relationship?00:57:02.016 --> 00:57:05.764


That's a really good one, because so many times people don't necessarily know.00:57:05.764 --> 00:57:09.065


I know for me one of the things we were talking about that I want somebody.00:57:09.065 --> 00:57:10.960


You know I'm looking for a partner, a wife.00:57:10.960 --> 00:57:11.757


Can you cook?00:57:11.757 --> 00:57:14.465


You know what I'm saying, you know, can we build together what?00:57:14.465 --> 00:57:14.735


Like?00:57:14.735 --> 00:57:15.420


What's your vision?00:57:15.420 --> 00:57:17.291


One of the things looking for in a relationship.00:57:17.291 --> 00:57:18.195


I want somebody that.00:57:18.195 --> 00:57:22.052


I want somebody shooting with me in the gym, amen, like that's just me.00:57:22.052 --> 00:57:27.963


I don't want somebody that's like, oh, you're grinding, you built this empire and now they just joined you at the castle.00:57:27.963 --> 00:57:29.184


Like, no, I want us.00:57:29.184 --> 00:57:37.693


Like I felt like we genuinely laid down the bricks for the castle or for the foundation ourselves, and so now we can be sitting.00:57:37.733 --> 00:57:39.016


I think this goes back to intention.00:57:39.056 --> 00:57:49.199


That's what I'm saying, that intention, and so those are the things that I would say that I was thinking about when we were initially getting to know each other and dating was like, man, okay, this is somebody I can build with.00:57:49.199 --> 00:57:53.326


But also I realized this is somebody I just genuinely get along with and I enjoy their company.00:57:53.326 --> 00:57:59.724


And it was naturally easy and I'm not saying definitely, you definitely weren't easy, but it was easy to spend time together.00:57:59.724 --> 00:58:03.864


It wasn't like, oh man, I'm stressed, like I'm pulling up on you and I'm leaving the date.00:58:03.885 --> 00:58:06.699


It was a hard conversation and I'm feeling drained.00:58:06.778 --> 00:58:12.530


I asked you questions and I felt like I'm I'm feeding questions at you and you're not asking me any questions.00:58:12.655 --> 00:58:13.639


You're not trying to get to know me.00:58:13.835 --> 00:58:16.943


And a great indicator too is did it feel like?00:58:16.943 --> 00:58:22.166


I used to feel like when we spent time together, and even still when we do, we can look up and forget what time it is?00:58:22.166 --> 00:58:28.619


Like we start a conversation in two, three hours and went by and it's like yo or we're hanging out with friends, like that's also a good indicator.00:58:28.619 --> 00:58:35.786


So if you're with somebody and it feels like time is just like I don't even know where the time went and we're already like well, we got 15 more minutes, we got another hour.00:58:35.786 --> 00:58:38.507


We're like you know, let's put the next date on the books.00:58:38.527 --> 00:58:49.282


Like those are all green flags that like your energy is aligned there's synergies and this could be someone you want to spend more time with.00:58:49.282 --> 00:58:49.664


Yes, I love that.00:58:49.664 --> 00:59:00.565


That can go right into the next question of what do you think makes for a successful partnership we're not saying relationship a successful partnership.00:59:01.539 --> 00:59:02.735


So a successful partnership.00:59:02.735 --> 00:59:08.715


The first thing that comes to my mind is humility, right, and I know we're faith-based and I think about serving leadership.00:59:08.715 --> 00:59:12.115


But you can't serve if you're not going to be humble, right.00:59:12.115 --> 00:59:21.949


And I think about the greatest act of serviceship that comes to my mind and you know, I got the last supper on the arm, but Jesus washing the feet of the disciples and showing I'm willing to serve.00:59:21.949 --> 00:59:33.869


And so if we can have 24 feet, so if we can have that approach of serving and that mentality, I think that's so key in partnership, because so many people come and they're looking for something to take or something in return.00:59:33.869 --> 00:59:35.456


What do you have that you can give?00:59:35.456 --> 00:59:38.206


And so to me, that's the first aspect.00:59:38.206 --> 00:59:41.818


And then the second is how do we, how do we create a win, win, win, right?00:59:41.818 --> 00:59:44.626


How do we make sure that you're moving towards what you want to achieve?00:59:45.514 --> 01:00:02.717


I'm moving towards what I want to achieve and we're moving towards that together, and a part of that is being equally yoked yes for example, if you're in finance and you're super into the details and that's the focus you may not want to be with someone that has no like, no financial acumen, doesn't care about finances.01:00:02.717 --> 01:00:04.119


Throw the money in the wind.01:00:04.119 --> 01:00:05.543


I'm trick, it ain't tricking.01:00:05.543 --> 01:00:09.601


If you got it, I don't care because naturally there's gonna be retirement, let's.01:00:09.621 --> 01:00:10.121


Why wait for retirement?01:00:10.141 --> 01:00:10.844


Let's spend it now.01:00:10.844 --> 01:00:12.306


Come on, let's blow money fast.01:00:12.387 --> 01:00:13.409


I blew back today.01:00:13.875 --> 01:00:18.409


Naturally that's going to be friction in your relationship because you're like what are we going to do?01:00:18.409 --> 01:00:21.621


We're going to be in the poor house and they're like, who cares about the house?01:00:21.621 --> 01:00:23.655


We're going to live in the car, like that's not something.01:00:23.655 --> 01:00:27.061


That matches well so to foundational pieces.01:00:27.061 --> 01:00:33.469


That I think really matter is that humility in serviceship, but then also being equally yoked.01:00:36.974 --> 01:00:37.034


Yes.01:00:37.034 --> 01:00:37.536


And lastly, is this is a?01:00:37.536 --> 01:00:38.599


This is a deep conversation.01:00:38.599 --> 01:00:41.626


Starter is how do you usually handle conflict?01:00:41.626 --> 01:00:45.644


I think that's you, because there's going to be set it off in this.01:00:46.815 --> 01:00:50.322


Okay, cause there are going to be times.01:00:50.322 --> 01:00:56.070


This is very this is something that you know is going to happen in your relationship.01:00:56.070 --> 01:00:57.434


There is going to be conflict.01:00:57.434 --> 01:00:59.342


There's going to be conflict within your relationship.01:00:59.342 --> 01:01:01.762


There's going to be conflict within a family dynamic.01:01:01.762 --> 01:01:06.005


If you have kids, there's going to be extended family as well.01:01:06.434 --> 01:01:08.161


So, how do we handle conflict?01:01:08.161 --> 01:01:11.121


How do you handle it first, and then how would we handle it together?01:01:11.121 --> 01:01:34.298


And then maybe let me throw out a scenario, right, that has potentially been a past situation that I've had that this is how the conflict was handed, or I wish that it was handled in a different way, and being also very honest in how you express that to the person, because, again, we're looking for partnership, we're looking for that relationship.01:01:34.298 --> 01:01:48.920


If this is a marriage, uh type of conversation that we're going to have, I need to be honest with how you do handle conflict and then, when we do have conflict, that will give me a better idea of what to expect.01:01:48.920 --> 01:01:58.443


Right, I don't want to then have a conflict and you told me one thing, but you're acting completely opposite, because then I'm going to look at you like I feel like you lied to me.01:01:59.275 --> 01:02:09.099


So essentially you said that because that reminds me of one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite poems is for I may misunderstand you in the fine advice you give, but there's no misunderstanding how you act and how you live.01:02:09.099 --> 01:02:13.648


So people can say one thing and their words will say one thing, but let's also watch those actions.01:02:13.648 --> 01:02:26.358


So when we say how do you handle conflict, I think that's going to be something that in time, over those five dates, when they're picking you up right Things like that If someone cuts them off on the freeway, do they flip them the bird?01:02:26.358 --> 01:02:27.541


Do they lay on the horn?01:02:27.541 --> 01:02:29.242


Do they jump out and beat on their window?01:02:29.282 --> 01:02:31.385


Like those are signs that this person has an anger problem.01:02:31.746 --> 01:02:32.005


Yes.01:02:32.045 --> 01:02:38.838


Like I may want to like be cool on that, versus they wave and say, like it's okay, let me let them over, like that's a basic.01:02:38.838 --> 01:02:43.867


But you're seeing how they respond to conflict in a small situation like that.01:02:43.867 --> 01:02:49.001


Or you're pulling into the restaurant for that date and someone's trying to take their parking spot Right.01:02:49.001 --> 01:02:52.347


Like do they, you know, try to jump out the car and pull them out of the car?01:02:52.347 --> 01:02:54.409


Or is it like, hey, you've got it right.01:02:54.409 --> 01:03:01.847


Those little things are also indicators, right, and I know I'm using a lot of car examples but like do they pull into the handicapped spot and they're not handicapped?01:03:01.847 --> 01:03:04.297


Like that's a little bit of a like a little flag of like dang.01:03:04.297 --> 01:03:13.228


Like they didn't want to let disability park there, like those are all things that you'll find out about how someone handles themselves through that dating process.01:03:13.409 --> 01:03:14.811


Yes, and I'm going to add something to that.01:03:14.811 --> 01:03:17.199


I think it's very uh simple.01:03:17.199 --> 01:03:23.775


How does the person also treat people that are in hospitality or in the service industry?01:03:23.795 --> 01:03:24.577


How do you treat some?01:03:24.577 --> 01:03:26.764


How do you treat someone that can do nothing for?01:03:26.884 --> 01:03:27.123


you?01:03:27.123 --> 01:03:31.181


Yes, how do you, because do you say please, do you see, say thank you?01:03:31.181 --> 01:03:33.326


Do you even say hey, I appreciate you.01:03:33.326 --> 01:03:34.367


Yes, how do you, because do you say please?01:03:34.367 --> 01:03:34.909


Do you say thank you?01:03:34.909 --> 01:03:35.711


Do you even say hey, I appreciate you.01:03:35.711 --> 01:03:36.833


Thank you for you know, for kind of serving us today.01:03:36.873 --> 01:03:37.195


Right, Do you tip?01:03:38.416 --> 01:03:39.018


Are you on your way?01:03:39.018 --> 01:03:40.001


Do you tip?01:03:40.001 --> 01:03:40.583


Do you not Right?01:03:40.583 --> 01:03:58.898


Those are also little things.01:03:58.898 --> 01:04:01.445


I do think, too, that just being mindful of when you are with somebody and having that interaction is also how do they treat people right?01:04:01.445 --> 01:04:04.375


You want to treat the janitor like the ceo and make sure that you are being a kind, nice person, somebody that is, uh, I can see myself with.01:04:04.375 --> 01:04:05.161


So we talked about a lot today.01:04:05.161 --> 01:04:08.057


Quickly to recap, on the dating tips don't be afraid to meet somebody out in the wild in the wild in the wild?01:04:08.659 --> 01:04:09.902


uh, don't be all you know.01:04:09.902 --> 01:04:12.469


Everyone is online dating as well.01:04:12.469 --> 01:04:14.880


What does your dating profile look like?01:04:14.880 --> 01:04:21.159


Uh be very clear and concise for what you're looking for as well on your dating site.01:04:21.159 --> 01:04:54.900


Uh, where you talk about first date and initial interactions, how you should go about that during the dating process and as you are getting to know somebody, what are some conversation starters, and as you do get to know more of the surface level, okay, it's time to go a little bit deeper, and then it's time to ask some questions that are going to uh incite some deeper reflection, conversation and getting to know you and if you're ready for a partnership, which is what I'm looking for 100%.01:04:55.342 --> 01:04:55.643


Yes.01:04:55.643 --> 01:05:03.170


So thank you so much, Cupply Fit fam, for watching this on YouTube or for hearing us on all podcasts.01:05:03.170 --> 01:05:07.420


If you are watching us on YouTube, please like and subscribe to the channel.01:05:07.420 --> 01:05:10.405


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Bye.